It was May 2012 and I had arrived in Washington state for a 2 week retreat on my own without my family. I had not yet been diagnosed as having Chronic fatigue or a serious case of ‘burn out’. My plan was to rest for two weeks and then be ready again to get back into London life, leading our church plant – Freedom Church. Little did I know my optimistic view was way off!

Each day I would go on a daily walk, along the College Way up to the Big Rock cafe and then turn back.

It would take me about 45 minutes to do this walk. The main reason for this was I had to walk very slowly so not to get my heart rate going too much or I would just flag and feel ill. I could barely walk without the fatigue kicking in! I loved the walk though, it was so peaceful and beautiful.

A few days into my retreat I met up with John Westra, a friend of mine and the pastor of the local church where I was staying. We met together to chat at the Big Rock Cafe!

We talked about my health, the church plant, and a number of other things. But then he asked me an intriguing question.

“Mark what do you think God is saying to you at the moment”?

I paused, tongue-tied. I had no idea! This wasn’t a question about what God was saying about my work or the church but about me… It was a really good question. If I was literally face to face with God, my nose right against his looking into his eyes, what would he say to me? My answer was, ‘I don’t know, I really don’t.’

Ninety percent of my prayer life was about the exciting church plant and ministry, or big needs in my life. The other ten percent I am not really sure about! One thing I began to realize though was this,

God might be more interested in a relationship with me than chatting all the time about how his new church was going in north London!

I had substituted intimacy and relationship with God for the thrill of work and ministry.

“You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the LORD your God am a jealous God…” (Exodus 20:5)

Jesus did not suffer and give his life on a cross to simply share me with another idol; even the ministry! God is a passionate God and He is passionate about us. He gave everything he had that he might gain us for relationship. He wants us because he loves us so dearly.

This was just the beginning of a long and painful journey. I certainly had not ‘got’ all this in just one meeting at the Big rock cafe! God was going to be working on this very subject over the next two years (and he still is).

My question to you as you are reading this

My question to you is simple – ‘what is God saying to you at the moment?’ I don’t mean about your work, or about the problems in your marriage or family household or even about your future plans. If you were face to face with God right now in the midst of all your busyness and burdens what would God be saying to you? Maybe you have failed in some area of your life. Maybe you are stuck in sin and have drifted away from God. Maybe you really don’t like yourself. Maybe life is just very chaotic for you right now. But step away for a moment… Pause… Have you taken time out to just stop? Have you taken time out to sit quietly before God and hear his voice and words to you? What do you think God is saying to you? Don’t give the Sunday bible school answer either. Get real. What do you actually believe He thinks about you right now in the midst of your life? God wants more of you… He is after closeness and time spent with you. He loves you. He paid a great price to ‘get’ you!

Sometimes a ‘desert’ time in our lives is actually God’s way of pursuing us…