During the autumn months of 2012 Abbey was still bed bound with pregnancy sickness and I was still trying to recover from my chronic fatigue. These days (and the many days that would follow into 2013 onwards) were long and very monotonous. Each day was just about making it through.

Slowly making it out of bed. Getting the kids fed. Shipping Noah off to friends to help look after him for a few hours so I could rest while George was at school. Arguing with Abbey during the day about where things were headed and what we were going to do when the money runs out. Losing my patience and stressing out with the kids when they weren’t being perfect or wanting some of my time. Trying to find the motivation to get on with house chores. Getting the kids bathed and fed again and then the saga of bed time! Wanting to be a good husband, father and church planter. Each day felt like climbing up a steep long hill but with no petrol in the tank.

Thank God for McDonalds!
However, on a good day we would treat ourselves as a family with a trip to (wait for it) … McDonalds in Wood Green where if we were lucky we would hear the usual police sirens running up and down the high street outside! And then we would get excited to get the kids to bed early so that we could maybe watch a little Modern Family before bed too! Oh yes, they were good days!!

All joking aside, many of these things are just normal day to day stuff, but when you are feeling depressed and struggling with chronic fatigue its a different story coupled with your wife being bed bound with pregnancy sickness and no job. Perhaps the biggest factor in all this though was that prior to these days just described I had in my opinion the most exciting and purposeful job that existed. I was living the dream! But now… well… life was just boring and hard.

Is this it?
After a while of living everyday like I have described and with no real purpose to it all except for survival you start to ask the big questions! Is this it? What am I living for? How do I live with any sense of meaning and purpose? I would complain to God with my questions, “I just don’t get it God, why is life so hard? Why do you allow this? What’s the point of it? And where is your promised salvation? God I am sick of this life and so fed up with it all!”

A growing desire for heaven!
On one occasion I was out for my usual walk at Alexandra Palace. The sun was beginning to set, there was a beautiful blue sky mixed with all kinds of colors, the breeze was gentle, the air was warm, the flowers and trees full of life and color. And there was this unique peace, calm and quietness. All was well here!

In that moment I found a strange longing in my heart for heaven! I am not talking about a spiritual heaven floating in the clouds with angels. I am not talking about a heaven where we are in a strange and foreign place. Neither am I talking about some enlightenment or some strange reincarnation. No, I am talking about heaven as described in the bible, the hope of every believer in Jesus Christ.

“Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the old heaven and the old earth had disappeared…. I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, “Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them. He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.” And the one sitting on the throne said, “Look, I am making everything new!” (Revelation 21:1, 3-5 NLT)

You were made for so much more than this!
Deep down the longing for heaven is written in every human heart and we will never be satisfied until we have it. Though we have new in life in Jesus now through his death and resurrection, the fullness of that will never truly be understood except by looking at what life will be like when He returns again and brings heaven to earth.

Peace, wholeness, life, joy, love, bliss,
The reason the beautiful scenery in my walk in the park resonated with me was this – the beauty, the peace, the restfulness, the purity, and the life that I was looking at was a pale reflection of what our human lives will be like when Jesus returns and brings heaven to earth!

Please don’t mistake me – I am all for healings, miracles, deliverance, signs and wonders here on the earth now! After all the bible says God’s Kingdom is here now… but listen, until that day – there will still be crying, pain, tears, death, sorrow and more! The above verse in Revelation 21 makes that very clear. As someone once said,

“It would be a strange thing for Him (Jesus) who will wipe away every tear, to have no tears to wipe away!”

And lets remember that the apostle Paul said in 1 Corinthians 15:32 that if we are not going to be raised from the dead through Jesus then ‘Let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we die.’ In other words – if our hope is not in our future resurrection after death then all we have got it this life right now and everything in the grand scheme of things is meaningless.

Our future hope shapes the way we live now
“… he (God) has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, … ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials.” (1 Peter 1:3-6 ESV)

When you start to realize that our purpose, meaning and all those other big words are ultimately fulfilled in our future salvation it frees you from getting angry when life doesn’t work. It stops me from putting all my hopes and dreams in this life and then becoming empty and aimless as I did. It helps me respond to suffering with hope. Suffering in many ways just intensifies our longing for Jesus and his return. It forces me and drives me to put my hope in Jesus’ coming salvation rather than in the things of this world.

Horatio G Spafford
I will leave you with a few verses of the famous hymn – ‘It is well with my soul’. It was written by a Christian man called Horatio G Spafford in 1883 after he suffered the awful loss of his four daughters in a terrible sea accident!

But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.