Tag Archives: fear

Panic attacks and Jesus!

Fear, panic, worry, Storms of life, , , , , , , , ,

It was May 2012 and I had just got back from a two week time out and break in Washington in a quick attempt to recover from the explosion that had happened in my body a month ago! I was very much rested while I was away on my two week break although the fatigue and stress pains were getting worse as I began to stop and reality caught up with my body. When I got back home to London I remembered thinking, “oh man I have only got another 5 days to recover before I go back to work again to lead the church!” There was no way I was going to be able to do this that soon…

Panic attacks
As a result of feeling overwhelmed with everything that was happening to me, I started having some very fearful panic attacks at night along with some not nice dreams! I would be awake in the middle of the night just unable to sleep. On another occasion I remember having all kinds of thoughts entering my mind like – I was going to lose my kids and family because I am going mental! I know it may sound crazy but it felt very real in the middle of the night. The worst thing of all was the feeling of being out of control; that really made me panic and was so scary. At times I would get out of bed and go downstairs, turn on the lights, eat something, read the news just to help me focus on reality and ‘snap out of it’.

Where was Jesus in all this?
“Jesus I am having a panic attack here, what do I do? Oh God help me, I am really struggling here, help me, help me!” I remember praying those panic prayers. And yet not much happened. Sometimes my experiences got worse rather than better! How does one process the question – ‘Jesus where are you right now because I am losing it here’?

In Mark chapter 4 we find the disciples of Jesus experiencing a very real panic attack and struggling to find Jesus in the midst of a literal storm out at sea in their boat.

“Leaving the crowd, they took him with them in the boat … and a great windstorm arose, and the waves were breaking into the boat, so that the boat was already filling. But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion. And they woke him and said to him, “Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?” (Mark 4:36-41 ESV)

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The disciples were in a very serious situation! They could easily drown and die and they had lost all control of the boat. The water was actually filling the boat – ‘the waves breaking into the boat, so that the boat was already filling.’(37) What a terrifying situation to be in!

Jesus was asleep!
Perhaps even more troubling was that Jesus didn’t appear to be with them! He was asleep!! Can you believe it? A bit selfish if you ask me – sleeping at the hour of the disciples greatest need! You can imagine the disciples saying –

“Where is he? Why is he asleep? Fancy putting his feet up and going for a sleep at a time like this! Doesn’t he care for us? How is he being a loving friend right now? What if we cant wake him up? Jesus are you there? Are you with us? Quick! Wake up, wake up, we need you!”

Can anyone relate to the disciple’s panic and confusion? I certainly can! Isn’t it interesting that it can often feel like Jesus is asleep when we most need him…

Jesus must have know there was a storm!
Here’s the thing – Jesus must have known he was in the midst a huge and dangerous storm! Remember the water was actually flooding the boat. Jesus clothes would have been wet!! The thunder and crashing waves would have been deafening. Either Jesus had taken a lot of sleeping tablets and was completely out of it, or perhaps he was aware of what was going on and chose to trust his heavenly Father and put his feet up during the storm…

A time to put your feet up!
As God’s adopted sons and daughters, Jesus calls us to trust in our Father in same way he did… even if that means sleeping during a storm!

Let’s not overlook this important phase. Of course in the end Jesus completely deals with the storm head on by literally commanding it to stop! But he didn’t immediately deal with the storm, that came later. In every storm that we face in life there is always a period of time when Jesus is calling us to demonstrate faith in Him by waiting, resting and remaining calm. Sometimes this stage of the storm can last a long time, even years! This is the time when circumstances haven’t changed and the storm still rages. It often feels like an unproductive time because there is nothing you can do but wait and weather the storm. But I wonder if from Jesus’ example to us if we can spare ourselves the emotional turmoil that goes with this stage. Can we learn to rest and even find peace in the midst of the storm? Let’s remember the famous Psalm 23 –

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters”. (Psalm 23:1, 2 ESV)

Did you notice – He ‘makes me lie down’?

God wants us to learn how to lie down in the midst of a storm! Yes the end will come when God deals with the storm, but how we handle and respond when God is not taking the storm away is critical! He does not want us to lose sleep. He does not want us to burn out emotionally with worry. He calls us to sleep, and to lie down by trusting he is in the boat with us!

Are you are going through a storm?
Perhaps you are going through a difficult time with one of your children. Or maybe its your health or family situation. Maybe you are in serious debt and you feel totally overwhelmed by this. Maybe you literally cannot sleep at night. Maybe you have lost a loved one. And worst of all it seems like Jesus is asleep… well maybe you are meant to join him! 🙂

A perfect storm

Storms of life, , , , , , , , , , ,

Have you ever come across a ‘perfect storm’? Here is a definition from wikipedia,

“A ‘perfect storm’ is an expression that describes an event where a rare combination of circumstances will aggravate a situation drastically. The term is also used to describe an actual phenomenon that happens to occur in such a confluence, resulting in an event of unusual magnitude.”

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It was October 2012 and life had just got crazier! I was still working through my chronic fatigue and now all of a sudden Abbey being pregnant with Max found herself bed bound with severe sickness. We couldn’t believe the timing of these events. How could this all happen at the same time? I could barely look after the kids but always did my best, but with Abbey in bed for most of the day things were looking impossible for us as a family. On top of that neither of us could now work. Our finances were coming to a very quick end. With all these things kicking in together it was like a ‘perfect storm’ brewing!

“Storm ahead!”
How do you respond to such a terrifying set of circumstances? As far as we could see there was no human solution. Where will we live once our money runs out? Are we going to be homeless? How would we continue to function as a family with both Abbey and I sick?

There was no preparation for these events that were taking place. We did not receive any dreams or warnings from the Lord telling us what was soon to be coming. So what do you do? Well, we pretty much collapsed and crashed all over again! Yep. We found ourselves totally overwhelmed. We got angry. We got fearful. I remember on one occasion sitting in my car with my head against the stirring wheel saying to God, “I just can’t take it anymore!” We had lost hope and couldn’t see a way out…

The Israelites found themselves in a similar situation!

They said to Moses, “Is it because there are no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness? What have you done to us in bringing us out of Egypt? (Exodus 14:11)

Can you imagine being trapped in a desert with no where to go and an evil violent army on their way to slaughter you? Israel must have been terrified and sick to the stomach! They complained at God like most of us do when we are stressed and cannot make sense of why things are going so badly for us. They lost faith in God and could not see a way out … but God could!

“Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and the Lord drove the sea back by a strong east wind all night and made the sea dry land, and the waters were divided. And the people of Israel went into the midst of the sea on dry ground, the waters being a wall to them on their right hand and on their left.” (Exodus 14:21-22)

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Woah! No one saw that coming!
Just when it looked absolutely impossible for the Israelites to be saved, God turns up with an answer that no one was expecting! He opens the sea left and right so that His people can walk through to safety and escape!

God did something very similar in our lives a year ago in the midst of our circumstances. He opened a way for my family and I to move to Washington State. Our move abroad was the beginning of God’s ‘exodus’ for us! He opened up a way for my family and I to begin a process of healing and restoration. Many challenges would continue to face us, but this was the beginning of God taking us away from all that had happened to us in England.

Are you in a storm?
Are you in a ‘perfect storm’? Maybe you are worried about how you are going to pay the next months rent but have no job. Maybe there are difficult or abusive people in your life and you cannot see a way out for escape. Maybe you are addicted to drugs and cannot see how you will ever get free from them. Maybe you are sick but cannot afford health insurance and wondering what are you going do. Maybe you are struggling in your marriage and cannot see a way forward. Maybe you are a mum at your wits end caring for all your children. Maybe you are facing some or all of these examples in one go!

God does have a way out for you!
I couldn’t see a way out. God’s people certainly couldn’t see a way out, but God could! He does have a way out for you. It may not come as the perfect way that you would like (we didn’t want to leave our home in England) but God definitely has a way out for you. It may not have arrived yet, but it will. It may come with other challenges ahead, but God knows what he is doing and where he is leading you.

I hope this encourages you if you are walking through a storm at the moment. I pray that God’s peace would rest upon you as you read you this. May God bless you.