Having had the whole summer of 2012 off and continuing into the autumn term still unable to work you might be wondering what on earth was I doing during that time! Good question… I don’t know either! Well, actually most days to be honest were simply about getting through. Most days were rarely productive, meaningful or purposeful for me. If I could I would try and get out on my own where I could walk in a park or go to the coffee shop. My regular get away was my very own local park at Alexandra Palace, just 10 minutes away from our home in London.

I loved going there and taking in the silence, the beautiful scenery around me and the London landscape in the distance… I miss that place very much! I have a lot of memories there from going on my weekly prayer walks seeking God’s vision for the church to taking Noah to feed the geese at the lake, (he would hide behind my legs so he didn’t get bitten, lol!). I especially enjoyed sitting at the coffee shop there which was right by the lake. This is where I would write my weekly sermons gearing up for the big Sunday. These were such exciting times for me where God spoke to me and led me (including making a decision to move into the Cineworld movie theatre for our Sunday meeting place, that was pretty exciting!).

An empty chair
And so it was a strange thing for me to continue going to Alexandra Palace park sitting in the same chair in the coffee shop but with no sermon to write… and no sense of excitement and adventure anymore. I remember sitting in my usual chair drinking my coffee, looking out the window at the lake and feeling this deep sadness over me. Oh, how I deeply missed what I used to do and yet had no ability or health to continue anymore. I’ll be honest with you now and say I have a number of tears rolling down my cheeks as I am writing this! These are still very precious memories to me.

I cried so hard!
By the time it got to December 2012 (just before we were on our way out to leave for America) there was one occasion where it all hit me – the loss of everything! I cried so hard! I am not talking about a few tears, but real crying from the depths of my heart, like a baby when they lose their breath!  It wasn’t simply some ‘job’ that I was losing. It was history and memories. It was dear friends. Team mates who had sacrificed so much to come with us on the adventure. It was a growing congregation of people whom I loved. It was saying goodbye to a dream and a vision that felt such a part of my heart. It was saying goodbye to our next door neighbors who I loved dearly! Most of all it was saying goodbye to our whole world and home.

Suffering is very close to the heart of God
I was at Costa coffee one time meeting up with a close friend who had been a real support to me during the church planting years and who was part of our church. He said something very profound to me, “Mark, you know suffering is very close to the heart of God.”

Jesus experienced deep loss and grief. He wept at the death of Lazarus his friend. And can you imagine the pain and the grief he experienced as he watched his dear mother crying in front of him as he hung the cross dying? And what about the perspective from God the Father? Can you imagine watching your own son being tortured, humiliated and put to death? In the film the Passion of the Christ (by Mel Gibson) there is a fictional bit added to the scene where Jesus finally dies on the cross. A big tear drop from the sky falls to the ground. Though this is an added touch I think its appropriate as God the Father cries for his dear Son. And yes both Jesus and the Father knew there would be a resurrection in three days time but the suffering, the loss and the grief experienced was nonetheless real!

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” (Hebrews 4:15, 16 ESV)

Jesus deeply connects with our pain
Perhaps the translators should have swapped the word sympathize for empathize. The point is that Jesus’ ability to emotionally connect with our sufferings and temptations comes from his very own experience! He is not trying to understand or imagine how we might be feeling… he knows and identifies with our weaknesses, sufferings, griefs and temptations. He’s been there.

Sometimes the only help one can offer someone suffering from grief is to listen, connect, understand, and cry with that person. Jesus is able to do that with us when we experience loss and grief whatever the depths.

A note to pastors and others…
Sometimes in life that ‘resurrection’ or restoration doesn’t come till much later and in the case of those who have lost a loved one – their ultimate hope will be heaven. As pastors and as friends of those who are grieving we need to learn how to sympathize. Yes quote the hope that we have in Christ. But first learn to sympathize with the suffering person. Jesus doesn’t always raise ‘Lazarus’ from the dead, but instead he points us to our future hope of glory and in the meantime sympathizes and cries with us in our grief and sorrows. So lets learn to do that if we are to be good friends and pastors for those who are grieving.

If you are grieving today…
If you are grieving today let me comfort you. Jesus is inviting you to come near to him. He will not condemn or judge you but rather he will embrace you with his scarred hands. He will cry with you. He will connect and understand you more than anyone else in this world is able to. When you are tempted to give up on God because of the terrible things that have happened (and that you can’t reconcile with a God of love!) – Jesus understands this full well. He too was tempted to give up on God through the week of his suffering passion. He was tempted to throw in the towel. He was tempted to curse God for his apparent abandonment. Of course he overcame and never gave in or sinned.

There maybe no apparent solutions to your loss. But Jesus is ready for you. You can cry… you should, its good for the soul and in it you may just find the God of all Glory crying with you!