It was the summer of 2012 and I was now off work for the whole summer in an attempt to recover from my chronic fatigue. During that summer period Sunday mornings were very strange for me as I did not attend or lead the church. On a typical Sunday morning during that summer you would find me at the gym working out while my church was about 100 meters away from me in the same shopping mall meeting in the Movie theatre! I felt like I was out in the wilderness laying low.

Who was I now?
Who exactly was I now, running on that treadmill all alone? As the months moved on that question popped up as the ‘stripping down’ of my life increased. I went from having a good and high profile job to having no job and being unemployed for a long time. I went from having a decent salary to having nothing (including my family living in a homeless shelter later on). I went from having achieved a lot to suddenly being unable to achieve anything! I went from having lots of recognition to running the treadmill all alone in what felt like no-mans land. That was a very lonely time me.

In the ‘desert’ we find our true selves!
Despite this being a horrible time for me, looking back I can see some gems appearing. I discovered that God uses times like these to help us know who we truly are in Him. What I mean is this – when all your gifts, abilities, performance, achievements, recognition and approval from others is gone… who are you? How much are you worth when there is nothing you can do?

God loved us before we had achieved or done anything!
I am so thankful for the truth of the gospel. It tells me something incredible!

“But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners”. (Romans 5:8 NLT)

This verse is one of my favourite verses in the whole bible! It tells me that when I was at my worst, a sinner, having not achieved any righteousness of my own, God still loved me! You can’t get worse than being a ‘sinner’ and yet God loved us while we were like that. We were precious and valuable to Him before we had earned or achieved anything. He loves us unconditionally and takes us in just as we are and then later cleans us up. I often think of my love for my children. I loved them right from day 1 before they were able to do anything!

My identity is in Christ!
Our God given gifts and callings are wonderful things, but they are not the primary way we find our self worth and identity! The ultimate answer to the question, ‘who are you now?’ is this – my identity and worth is in Jesus Christ. It’s in everything he is for me and has achieved for me. Whether I am a pastor or not, an achiever of great things or not, a money earner or not, my identity and worth is in Jesus Christ. And yes, even if I have failed and sinned throughout the day – I am still a righteous saint in Christ!

Who are you? What’s your identity in?
Maybe your worth and value is in your achievements at work and you are pretty driven! Or maybe you are an incredible and talented athlete but the thought of no longer having that makes you feel very empty and scared. Maybe you thrive from the admiration of the opposite sex because, well lets face it, you are pretty darn good looking! Maybe your hard earned cash and bank balance gives you a sense of achievement, entitlement and worth. Maybe you have a very high position in your work and love the feeling of that, but it’s a little scary when someone else is being praised or promoted. Maybe you were a great mother to your children but now they have all left home, and you feel lost with who you are and what your value is in. Maybe you are just a wonderful, nice and happy person to be around. People really love hanging out with you, but its getting exhausting keeping up that smile!

Don’t be afraid of losing things (or your life!)

Jesus said, “For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.” (Luke 9:24 ESV)

Don’t be afraid of losing your life. Its scary at first, I know! But I have learnt that the stripping away of things in my life is helping me find my life again… but this time in Jesus. I lost the job I loved, lived for and dreamed of. I lost my health and ability to achieve things (sometimes all I could do in a day was… well, not a lot!). I became pretty low and self centered at times. But, I am now beginning to find that my real true life is rooted in God’s unconditional love for me. My value and worth is in Jesus Christ and not in what I have or how well I have done that day.

So, if you are going through a desert time in your life right now, or feel the whole world is being taken away from you, God might just be using this time to help you rediscover your life, worth and identity in Him.